Feeling stuck and overwhelmed? Sometimes we need to refocus on our big picture values writes our guest blogger, Wendy Bennett from A Maze in Life Counselling.
For the last few days I have been feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated. I feel as though I have taken on too much and am failing in the wife/mother/woman categories. My usual techniques of lists, meditation and dancing like a loon to release frustrations just aren’t cutting it. So, I thought, Monday morning, a great time to assess, refocus, restate goals and make a plan.
I felt completely re-energised just at the thought. Yes!!! I CAN DO THIS. Then reality hit me in the face. While I was thinking about all of this my 2 year old had gotten hold of some markers and decided to decorate the wall. Then my 4year old had a mega meltdown because her leggings were on back to front (yes she’d dressed herself). Just when you are getting ahead of yourself reality has a way of pulling you back down to earth and making you be realistic.
FACT: I have a 4yr old and a 2yr old.
This means that I am going to have to accept certain things:
- They are going to want my attention so things like study, work etc are going to have to be scheduled in when they are resting or asleep or at child care.
- Putting toys away while they are at home is futile. No matter how hard I try they are going to be able to get toys out faster than I am going to be able to put them away.
- They are going to want to “help” me with whatever I am doing so tasks are going to take 10 times longer than I expect.
- They are children. They have needs that have to be met. They do not understand concepts like waiting!
While I have written a list of all the things I WANT to get done by the end of the week I have tried to make it realistic. Today for instance my goal is to tidy up the bedrooms. Anything that is on the floor that shouldn’t be has been put on the beds. My aim being that by the end of the day all the beds are clear. Realistically I know this is doable. In my head there are about 15 other things I would like to do today but having 2 children at home today I know it is going to be impossible to do them so they don’t make it on the list for today.
Being mindful of my values and what is important to me when setting goals, no matter how small, is so helpful when deciding what to do and when. There are always going to be competing demands. There are always going to be a million and one things you want to get done. For me being present with my children and ensuring they feel loved and valued is number one. So today they take precedence, they are my focus. If I manage to put away 2 things off the bed while son is happily eating his yogurt then that is a win for today.
Accepting what you can’t change, knowing your values and what is important and being realistic in what you can achieve in your particular circumstances for that day can really help when you are feeling stuck and overwhelmed. While it is good to have “the big picture” in your head, accepting your limitations and working within them will lead to a much less fraught existence.
With peace & love
We all feel stuck and overwhelmed sometimes (or a lot depending on what’s going on for you!). Reach out for help. Do something kind for yourself. Know this is normal.